Seraph
by Igarashi-kun
Summary: Nightcrawler has to deal with his feelings for Ice man. first chapter is a songfic.... ummmm geez i suck at summaries... read it! youll find out!btw... its kind of n au fic as someone educated me on this a bit ago... new chapter should be up soon... maybe
1. Denial

Authors note: Mai first fan fiction! Its with night crawler and Ice man… I'm picturing iceman as he is in X-2 and night crawler as… a real life version of him from x-men evolution. God he's hot in X-men evolution. I had a drawing I did to go along with this fanfic, but I think someone stole it from me… and it was goooooood ;_; oh well… by the way this is a song fic. I used all the things she said by t.a.T.u because at the moment it just spoke to me… quite loudly lol. It will be the only songfic for this lil' series type thing. And this is chapter one. Chapter 2 should be up soon. I had broken up with her. We had been broken up for a week now. I wasn't sad about it. She doesn't matter to me anymore. But I feel bad for her. She hurt me… Even though I didn't love her. She could hurt me. But maybe I hurt her worse. All the things she said 

_All the things she said_

_Running through my head_

_All the things she said_

_All the things she said_

_Running through my head _

This is not enough 

She called me stupid fag…But isn't that the truth? That's why I broke it off. I couldn't keep lying to her. But most of all I couldn't lie to myself any longer. I was In Love with someone else. His name is Bobby. Iceman. I have sinned. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

_I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost_

_If I'm asking for help it's only because_

_Being with you has opened my eyes_

_Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?_

            It is a sin... Isn't it? To love a man, as I should love a woman? I hate myself. 

"Kurt!" My thoughts were interrupted. Speak of the devil. It was Bobby. "What are you doing here, you missed Bio." He said with a concerned look in his eyes. But what was _he_ doing here? Looking just for me? I doubt that. "Just getting away from everything." I replied in my German accent. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked sitting down next to me, under the tree. I shifted my position, to hugging my legs to my body, and resting my chin on my knees. "Not really." I answered. "Is it…Are you sad, because you broke up with Sarah?" He asked cautiously. 

_I keep asking myself, wondering how_

_I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out_

_Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me_

_Nobody else so we can be free_

"No. You wouldn't understand." I closed my eyes, avoiding the feeling of him looking at me, but it only intensified. The butterflies in my stomach wouldn't stop and I wanted to hit myself for it. "How do you know?" he said sounding a little hurt and offended. I didn't answer. "What is it Kurt, tell me… please." His voice was soothing and it calmed me. If only I could fly instead of  vanish. I'd take you with me.

_All the things she said_

_All the things she said_

_Running through my head_

_All the things she said_

_All the things she said_

_Running through my head _

_This is not enough_

_This is not enough_

And She's right. I am a stupid fag right? Why do I sin?

Why do I sin?

Why do I sin?

_All the things she said_

_All the things she said_

Why do I sin?

Why do I sin?

_And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed_

_They say it's my fault but I want her so much_

_Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain_

_Come in over my face, wash away all the shame_

_When they stop and stare - don't worry me_

_'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me_

_I can try to pretend, I can try to forget_

But it's driving me mad, going out of my head 

"I just feel off…" I half lied. I did feel off due to my latest discovery, but it's not _just _that. "That's all it is..?" He questioned me with an "I'm not so sure about that… " look on his face. "Yeah." I lied, straight faced. Maybe if I try and forget, maybe if I pretend… I wont be gay anymore… I wont like boys. God help me, I love him so much.

"Lets get to class…"

…

………….

"Right."

_Mother looking at me_

_Tell me what do you see?_

_Yes, I've lost my mind_

"You are both late." Storm greeted us. She taught us for most of our classes. "—And where were you for last period, Mr. Wagner? " She questioned me with her penetrating presence. "I—""—He was in the nurse. He's feeling a little under the weather and I went to go check up on him." He said, saving me from admitting to skipping class. She definitely would have asked me why after class, and I could never lie to storm about anything. And Bobby knew it was something I was afraid to tell the world. She accepted this. "Then sit down. " and we did. Next to each other, giving one another sideways glances all period long.

_I can try to pretend, I can try to forget_

But it's driving me mad, going out of my head ….. 

..

………

_I can try to pretend, I can try to forget_

But it's driving me mad, going out of my head 

The rest of that day was weird. I spent the rest of it, scolding myself for looking at other boys. I couldn't pretend to be straight, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't…


	2. Fear

Authors note: Sorry I took so long to add the next chapter… but its here! Also… I'm hoping this one will be as good as the last. One thing… I'm also adding things that don't exist in the actual X-men evolution… so I guess this is kind of an AU fiction too. By the way, Sarah isn't in the real series(as far as I know) and is made up. She's a mutant with the power to control sound. That's all I made up about her.

                                                                        FEAR  

            It was now around 12 or 12:30 and it was lunchtime. Wonderful. All I know is that I'm definitely _not _sitting with my friends today. I walked out into the grassy field of the back school grounds, which was filled with trees and picnic tables. I spotted my friends at their usual table, who had not spotted me yet. Good. I looked for a tree that was 20 million miles away from where ever they were. Good, a nice big one over there, so I could hide behind it. I teleported over to it and plopped my bum on the ground, setting my books and bagged lunch down.

            I was afraid my friends might find me here, but I started on my lunch anyway, biting into my apple. I savored the taste for a moment, then went on to finish it. Went through my lunch, fairly quickly, then rested my head on the tree and closed my eyes. Humming to myself, quietly, I let the suns warmth wash over me and a felt sleepy. But I heard people in the background talking. It was… It was Sarah! And who else was it… I know that voice… Scott? No, obviously not… I gasped. I was Bobby. Where were they..? I peeked around the corner of the tree and saw Bobby's outline, sitting down _on the other side of the tree!_ My body grew cold, but I couldn't help but listen. I didn't hear what was before but I knew he had changed the subject to something a little more… Uneasy for her to talk about. I heard it in her voice. "So I noticed you and Kurt weren't together anymore." Sarah and Bobby have been sort of good friends for a while "Yeah, so?" She said a little ticked. "Need to vent about it?" He asked casually. "He broke up with me because he's… he's…" She trailed off. She wanted to say it…I knew it. My stomach practically dropped out the bottom of me. I waited for the words to tumble fourth… but all I heard was bobby. "He's what?" He asked seriously. "He's… He's weird. That's why. He's weird." She said, and the rustling of the grass suggested that she had gotten up. Then I saw her walking toward the picnic tables. She didn't say it. I turned around, drained and shaky from the adrenaline rush I had gotten and maybe a bit out of breathe. I needed to leave. Now. I teleported even further away, and decided I would take a walk. 

I found my way to the worn brick path of the walkway into the forest. I moved the bang that was covering an eye out of the way, but it fell back into place, so I left it there and put my hands in my pocket. The Autumn wind blew against me as I walked through the forest of sleeping trees and falling leaves. I looked up at an opening in the branches at the sky that looked as if a million things troubled it to grayness. I stopped, sighing as I looked at the troubled sky, feeling as though I wanted to say "I hear you."  I then pulled down my sleeves that were rolled up to my elbows. It was getting chilly. I was wearing A red, long sleeved shirt, that fit loosely on my thin frame and had 2 thin black stripes on the chest and holes on the ends of the sleeves I made to put my thumbs in and a grayish green short sleeved shirt over that, which was unbuttoned. I wore wide legged pants with a sewed on blue furry star at the bottom of the left leg and I had on back and white shoes. And I was chilly. So I sort of hugged my self to retain warmth and continued walking for a while. What If he had gone after her for a better answer..? Or what if she had told her friends… The thousands of things that could happen saddened and scared me. I don't Think I'll be returning to classes today…. So I wont.

I continued walking for hours, going deeper into the forest and sooner or later, I realized I hadn't been paying attention to the paths I was taking and was officially lost. _Shiest. And teleporting might make this worse… Why wasn't I paying attention to where I was going?!?!  If only I was psychic instead! Well the only direction I can go now is back where I came from. _I walked back towards the school, guessing when it came to forks. Then there was a clearing with at the least, 8 paths to choose. This was bad. Very bad. Any path I choose could lead me home or send me to endless paths, to my doom.

But alas, My eyes rest upon my savior. Bobby. He looked out of breath. Then his eyes met mine. "Kurt! What are you doing? Why didn't you come to class? All your friends are looking for you…" He said sounding worried. "I told you… I'm not feeling too great. I felt like I needed a walk. And I kind of got lost. So I'm glad you found me actually." I said half chuckling. _Why am I acting like I don't care?_

End chapter 2


	3. I Lie To Me

Authors note: Sorry I took so long to add the next chapter… but its here! I think this one is going to be better than last chapter… I just didn't know what to write. Also the first one originally was going to be the only song fic. Well while I was half way through writing this a had a Sarah McLachlan song on and I realized one of the scenes kind of fit a verse or two of the song. So here It is! Possession, by Sarah McLachlan. Or at least pats.. or maybe switched around.

Just close your eyes
    
    _listen as the wind blows_
    
    _from across the great divide_
    
    _voices trapped in yearning_
    
    _memories trapped in time_
    
    _the night is my companion_
    
    _and solitude my guide_
    
    _would i spend forever here_
    
    _and not be satisfied___

__

__

          I flopped down on my bed, sighing the echoing voices of the older mutants scolding me out of my head. I rested the back of my hand on my forehead, which was covered in a layer of cold sweat. I closed my eyes, taking another deep breath. I could hear someone's music playing down the hall, but just faintly. I could only make out one line, and I don't know why I was trying to listen so hard.

"We both know it was a girl back in Bethlehem"

I snorted, almost laughing at the very thought. Jesus. A girl. Then the ridicule of the thought died down. Its not like it wasn't possible… Whatever. 
    
    _through this world i've stumbled_
    
    _so many times betrayed_
    
    _trying to find an honest word_
    
    _to find the truth enslaved_
    
    _oh you speak to me in riddles_
    
    _and you speak to me in rhyme_
    
    _my body aches to breathe your breath_
    
    _your words keep me alive_

"Ich bin müde! (I'm tired!)" I muttered to myself as I got up, heading over to my dresser. I didn't check to see if my door was all the way closed, though it looked like it. No one would want to spy on me anyways… I removed my shirt tossing it into a corner, which was soon accompanied by a pair of pants, duck patterned blue boxers and some socks, revealing my thin, nude form. I opened the top dresser droor, pulling out a pair of plain black boxers and then a pair of blue plaid pajamas and put them on.

"Ich muß einige Socken waschen... (I have to wash some socks…)" I mumbled to myself as I scrounged around my dresser for a pair. "Oh! Sind hier einige!(Oh! Here's some!)" I said happily as  I pulled them out and put them on, then proceeded to the light switch and a moment before I pressed it, there was a knock at my door.

It scared me and I gave a soft gasp, then recollected myself. I put my hand on the knob, turning it reluctantly and opened it enough just to poke my head out. "Was? – I mean...What?" I asked a little irritated, but then noticed who it was. "Oh! Sorry, Bobby! I didn't know it was you!" 

"It's ok." He replied, chuckling softly. I sat there for a moment, my head still sticking out of the door, impolitely, not saying anything, though I don't know why. 

"You goin'ta invite me in?" He asked, giving a cute smile. 
    
    _into this night i wander_
    
    _it's morning that i dread_
    
    _another day of knowing of_
    
    _the path i fear to tread_

_Why is it so wrong to like that..?_ I thought, loving every single different way he could smile.
    
    _oh into the sea of waking dreams_
    
    _i follow without pride_
    
    _nothing stands between us here _
    
    _and i won't be denied_

"Oh! Yeah! Sorry. I sorta spaced out there, ha ha!" I said almost nervously, scratching my head. I opened the door, gesturing for him to come in playfully, in a royal bow. "Sir." I said as I did so. He laughed. I love his laugh. Is that why I did that? _Maybe_… _No. This is foolish. Get your self together! _

"So what did you want?" "Well I was just coming to see if you felt okay. When you got back, you looked like shit, but the adults got to you before I could call you."

"Oh…" I said, a pale pink finding its way across my face, ever so subtly, though I'm sure he noticed because he gave a grin for just a moment, then spoke again. "So are you?" "Am I…?" "OK" "Oh! I'm so out of it!"  I laughed lightly. " Well I still feel kind of crappy, but I'm ok for the most part." We were silent for a moment.
    
    _and i would be the one_
    
    _to hold you down_
    
    _kiss you so hard_
    
    _i'll take your breath away_
    
    _and after i'd wipe away the tears_
    
    _just close your eyes dear_

          He was looking at me so intently, and I felt an intensity in my chest. And I felt a desire in my lips. His lips… They're so perfect. He had a mans lips, but they weren't tiny like most. They were full and pink and good for kissing. I moved my head closer to his, blushing deeply, and I could see it in his expression. Did He like me? Did he feel the same way I did. He wasn't backing from me. He wasn't wondering what I was about to do. He knew what was happening. Do I? His lips pressed against my own and I stantly yielded to him, letting my self press against his body, melting against him almost. His hand had already found its way into my hair. His tongue doused my lower lip, pleading for entrance. I opened my mouth and his tongue plunged in, strong, mine wrestling with it. Is this what I want? I grew hard against him and he grew hard against me, and at that instant I repelled myself from him. "Wha…What's wrong?" "No. I'm… I'm sorry. _Ich_ _sollte nicht den erregt haben_(_I should not have provoked that)_. I can't do this. This is wrong. You have to leave! I'm sorry!" I said shoving him out the door and shutting it behind me. 

My heart was racing a million miles a second and I had my hand on my lips as I leaned against the door to my room. _' Mein Gott(My God…)' _I closed my eyes tight, a tear escaping my clenched eyelids.
    
    _and i would be the one_
    
    _to hold you down_
    
    _kiss you so hard_
    
    _i'll take your breath away_
    
    _and after i'd wipe away the tears_
    
    _just close your eyes dear_
    
    _i'll hold you down_
    
    _kiss you so hard_
    
    _i'll take your breath away_
    
    _and after i'd wipe away the tears_
    
    _just close your eyes_

The rest of the week I avoided him and when Sunday came I confessed my sins. And boy was that a doozy…But It didn't make me feel any better. I didn't feel like a better person like I always had before. It was different. I could feel in my chest that  I was doing something wrong. I felt like I was telling some big lie.
    
    _through this world i've stumbled_
    
    _so many times betrayed_
    
    _trying to find an honest word_
    
    _to find the truth enslaved_
    
    _oh you speak to me in riddles_
    
    _and you speak to me in rhyme_
    
    _my body aches to breathe your breath_
    
    _your words keep me alive_


End file.
